I don't like being ill

I think I’m making peace with the ending to my story... Not in some elegant, enlightened, woodland-creature way or shit like that. I still hate this disease. I hate what it takes. I hate how weird my body feels. I hate having to think about things that used to happen without asking me first. Frankly, my autonomic nervous system has become a terrible roommate if I do say so myself.

But I’m not angry every second anymore. Mostly I’m just sad and weirdly, that feels softer. I know where this road goes. I’m not pretending otherwise. I don’t need a miracle speech or a brave face or somebody telling me to “keep fighting.”

I am fighting, just differently now. By loving people properly. By laughing when I can. By drinking the good things. By noticing the light. By saying what I mean while I still get to say it. By enjoying outside. By talking to strangers. By finding new music. There is something almost peaceful about not arguing with the map anymore. I don’t like the destination. But I love the people walking with me and I love this life. Even this version of it.

So yeah. I’m sad. I’m scared sometimes. I’m still here.

And if you’re one of my people, please know this part especially: I love ya. More than I probably say. Probably more than you know. Moo.


Comments

  1. Madcat1776September 7, 2026 at 9:03 AM

    I love you and am very proud to call you Sister. Friend. I know I can come to you in confidence. I respect you and will walk by your side always, here, yesterday, and tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bruce AllenSeptember 8, 2026 at 5:16 AM

    Love this. And love you. I’m glad the universe brought us together

    ReplyDelete

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